My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
