Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
