It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
