my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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