gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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