I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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