we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
