"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
