I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
