my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
