i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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