Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
