I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that's an acceptable place to lick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
