I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
