For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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