i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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