DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
