i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
