my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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