'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
