I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
