I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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