you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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