So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
