Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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