she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
