I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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