Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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