maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
