somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
