nutella sex= disaster
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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