wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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