ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
