don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
