Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
