come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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