u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
