some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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