It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
