the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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