I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
