It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
