Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
