Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
