theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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