You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
