How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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