I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
