I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
