Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
