I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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