someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
