a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
